An Open and Public Confession of love... 30 Days of Letters and Poems for Jasmine...

Tulips for Jasmin

Hello Beautiful, I hope that you are well. WOW!!!  I have been thinking about you. I mean alot. I always have but I assumed you knew that. I assumed you knew how I felt. It's funny because I've never really explained, yet I assumed you knew. Crazy, huh? I assumed you knew that I wanted you in my life, the crazy part is that I never have put any action behind it. I haven't made you feel important to me. I want to change that right now Jasmine. All I ever wanted to do was make you feel special and for a long time, I failed. I want you to know That I Love You and I want everyone else to know it too, which is why I am broadcasting and confessing my love. Jasmine, this is public, so with over 900 million users, my love is out there for them all to read. Someone in all parts of the world knows Nolan loves Jasmine. I like that. I feel like I'm back in high school, that's the excitement I feel at the thought of you in my life. Does it sound like I'm begging? I don't mind. Probably should have done that a long time ago. I love you Jasmine and I believe you feel the same way, well most times I do, but that's probably how you feel also. That's what this is all about, just you, just you. I don't want to sound arrogant, like you're all into me. I just know something's there, and now you know that with me. Do you remember when we first met? It was August 2007, it's been five years, yes five. Five years of coming really close, five years of not really getting there. I don't want to mislead you, those five years were critical to how I feel now. I remember well the day we met. You were standing on the balcony in white shorts and a white blouse. I drove up and I fell in love with you then, I just didn't know it. From that moment, it has always been about you, just you. But we have always been like two ships passing in the night, when you had someone, I didn't and when I did, you didn't. Always the same destination but different port. I'm not worried, I believe there's something special between us and it's special enough to hang on for five years. I know you may have questions and doubt what I'm saying, but we both know there's something special. I know others may question my sincerity and my love. Jasmine, some will say that it's only infatuation and will fade (really!) For five years? Maybe six months. Some will say that it's about sex...well we know that's not true, and we know that our most special moment, the moment I believe where special was born was not about sex. You remember what it was about, don't you beautiful? That was about showing you how much I cared about you, how much I respected you, and how much I wanted to spoil you. Some may say it's about money (lol) neither of us has a rich uncle. So, what's left? What keeps two people hanging on for years? Hope, prayer, maybe. I perfer love. I feel rich when I think about us and I'm anxious to know for sure if you feel the same. Talk to you tomorrow baby.                                                                                                      Loving You, Nolan

SPEECHLESS...WRITTEN BY CEE CEE

HOW DO YOU TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU? HOW MUCH THEIR PRESENCE IN YOUR LIFE HAS CHANGED YOU...GIVEN YOU WINGS?

HOW DO YOU TELL THEM THAT YOUR FUTURE, ONCE BLEAK AND UNCERTAIN IS NOW FILLED WITH THE ASSUREDNESS OF THEIR LOVE? THAT EVERY SECOND OF EVERDAY I BETTER THAN THE ONE BEFORE BECAUSE IT'S A HEARTBEAT CLOSER TO FOREVER WITH THEM?

HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THE NEW FOUND CONFIDENCE THAT CAN ONLY COME FROM THE LOOK OF PURE LOVE IN THEIR EYES OR THE PEACE OF MIND YOU HAVE KNOWING THAT THEY'VE GOT YOUR BACK NO MATTER WHAT? NO MORE  FEAR OF FAILURE OR NEED FOR PERFECTION BECAUSE YOUR QUIRKINESS AND FLAWS ARE SEEN AS THE LITTLE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU, YOU.

HOW DO YOU TRUST MERE WORDS TO EXPLAI YOUR EMOTIONS WHEN "I LOVE YOU" FEELS INADEQUATE AND FOREVER DOESN'T SEEM LONG ENOUGH? YOU VOW TO LOVE HARDER EVERYDAY. YOU LIVE EACH MINUTE LIKE IT WAS MADE JUST FOR YOU TWO. YOU PROMISE TO ALWAYS LISTEN AND NEVER JUDGE. YOU GIVE ALL OF YOU AND NEVER HOLD BACK.

WHEN YOU CAN'T DESCRIBE YOUR FEELINGS, JUST KNOW THAT YOUR ACTIONS WILL ALWAYS SPEAK LOUDER THAN YOUR WORDS.

TRUE LOVE COMPLETED...WRITTEN BY CEE CEE

A LOST SOUL... FLOATING THROUGH LIFE WITH NO DIRECTION
NO PURPOSE OR SEL-WORTH.
A ROSE, CUTT FROM THE ROOT
SO MUCH POTENTIAL, SO MUCH BEAUTY
FORBIDDEN TO GROW.

A KINDRED SOUL ALSO WANDERING
SEARCHING FOR TRUE LOVE...ONCE HAD, NOW LOST.
BURSTING WITH SO MUCH LOVE AND COMPASSION.
SO MUCH TO GIVE BUT WHO IS WORTHY TO RECEIVE IT?
CAN LOVE EVER BE TRUSTED AGAIN?

TWO PATHS SO DIFFERENT CROSSING ONLY BY CHANCE.
SPARKS IGNITED BUT NO OPPORTUNITY
TIME IS UNKIND AND SLIPS AWAY
ALLOWING NO TIME FOR WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN.

TWO PATHS SO DIFFERENT CROSSING AGAIN...THIS TIME NOT BY CHANCE
THIS TIME CROSSING WITH PURPOSE.
PURPOSE TO LOVE, TO LAUGH AND LEARN TOGETHER.
PURPOSE TO TRUST IN WHAT TRUE LOVE SHOULD BE.

A ROSE, CUT FROM THE ROOT
SO MUCH POTENTIAL, SO MUCH BEAUTY
FINALLY READY TO BLOSSOM.

A KINDRED SOUL NOLONGER WANDERING
PAST WOUNDS HEALED
NOW READY TO LOVE, NOW READY TO TRUST.
READY TO GIVE TOTALLY AND FREELY.

TWO SOULS MEANT TO BE ONE.
COMPLETING EACH OTHER, COMPLIMENTING ONE ANOTHER
PARTNERS IN LOVE AND LIFE.
TWO CHAPTERS CLOSED, A NEW ONE BEGINNING
TRUE LOVE FINALLY FOUND, NEVER AGAIN TO BE LOST.

TOTALLY, WRECKLESSLY, FOREVER...WRITTEN BY CEE CEE

A PAST FILLED WITH HURT AND A HEART UNWILLING TO BE BROKEN AGAIN. "JUST GIVE A PIECE OF ME", MY HEART WOULD SAY IN FEAR OF COMPLETE DEVASTATION. ONNCE SO WILLING TO GIVE, NOW GUARDED, WOUNDED AND UNTRUSTING...UNTIL YOU. YOU DID NOT CHIP AWAY AT THE WALL BUILT AROUND MY HEART. YOU BROKE THROUGH IT FEARLESSLY...KNOWING THAT I NEEDED TO BE RESCUED AND THAT NO ONE COULD PROTECT MY HEART LIKE YOU. KNOWING THAT I NEED ALL THAT YOU HAVE TO GIVE AND TRUSTING THAT I WOULD MOVE PAST MY HURT AND LOVE YOU BACK, I AM NOW READY TO LOVE YOU TOTALLY.

NO MORE LOVE AS USUAL... OUR LOVE IS UNSTRUCTURED AND CAREFREE. NOT CONCERNED WITH THE SPECTATORS OR COMMENTATORS OF OUR RELATIONSHIP, ONLY CONCERNED WITH HOW WE CAN BLOW EACH OTHER'S MINDS. OUR LOVE IS UNSCRIPTED, UNREHEARSED AND LIKE NOTHING I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED. SPONTANEOUS LAUGHTER AND KOOL AID SMILES WILL FILL OUR DAYS. GENUINE SINCERITY AND PASSIONATE LOVEMAKING WILL FILL OUR NIGHTS. ANYTHING GOES AS LONG AS WE ARE TOGETHER AND NOTHING ELSE MATTERS BUT ME, YOU AND OURS. I PROMISE TO LOVE YOU WRECKLESSLY.

ALWAYS...WITHEND...NEVER CEASING. THE FOUNDATION OF OUR LOVE WAS LAID BEFORE THERE WAS A NOLAN, BEFORE THERE WAS A CEE CEE. HANDPICKED...EVERYTHING THAT I NEED IS INSIDE OF YOU AND I HAVE ALL THAT YOU WILL EVER NEED. FOREVER LOVE LASTS THROUGHOUT GENERATIONS. WHEN WE ARE LONG GONE, OUR GRANDCHILDREN AND GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN WILL STRIVE TO HAVE THE LOVE THAT WE NOW EXPERIENCE. THE PRESENT IS A GIFT BUT OUR LOVE IS A LEGACY. OUR GOOD TIMES WILL BE MANY AND UNFORGETTABLE, OUR BAD TIMES FEW AND UNMEMORABLE. I WILL NEVER TAKE YOUR LOVE FOR GRANTED. I PROMISE TO LOVE YOU MORE TODAY THAN I DID YESTERDAY BUT NOT HALF AS MUCH AS I WILL TOMORROW. I VOW TO LOVE YOU...AND ONLY YOU...FOREVER.

TRANSPARENT II...WRITTEN BY...CEE CEE

THROUGH YOUR EYES I SEE INTO THE DEPTHS OF YOUR SOUL. THERE, YOUR VERY THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS LIE RAW AND UNFILTERED. I SEE YOUR COMPASSION AND YOUR DESIRE TO TAKE CARE OF ME...TO DRAW ME INTO YOURSELF. INTO YOUR WORLD WHERE NOTHING AND NO ONE ELSE MATTERS. I SEE YOUR CONCERN FOR ME AND ALL OF THE THINGS THAT ARE OF CONCERN TO ME. I SEE YOUR MIND WORKING, BUILDING OUR FUTURE, PLANNING THE LIFE AND JOURNEY THAT IS TO COME. MOST OF ALL I SEE YOUR OVERWHELMING LOVE FOR ME...UNTAINTED BY CIRCUMSTANCE, DISREGUARDING SITUATIONS, JUST PURE LOVE....NOTHING THAT WE HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED BEFORE. THIS IS A TRUE GIFT FROM GOD.

YOUR HANDS TELL A DIFFERENT STORY. MY HOW I LOVE THOSE HANDS! EXPANSIVE AND STRONG...ENSURING ME THAT YOU ARE MY PROTECTOR. AS LONG AS I AM WITH YOU, I AM SAFE FROM HARM AND DANGER. YOUR HANDS ARE WORKING HANDS, THE HANDS OF OUR FATHERS AND FOREFATHERS. THEY SHOW THE BRAVERY AND STRENGTH THAT ONLY COMES WITH THE PRIVILEGE OF BEING A BLACK MAN. YOUR HANDS ARE FIRM IN OUR LOVEMKING, PULLING ME CLOSER INTO YOU AND HOLDING ME TIGHTER UNTIL NO AIR CAN PASS BETWEEN US. THOSE HANDS, SO STRONG AND RESOLUTE ARE ALSO THE MOST GENTLE PART OF YOU, SOMETIMES BARELY TOUCHING ME. YOUR HANDS ARE FULL OF LOVE.

YOUR LIPS, YOUR TONGUE, YOUR TEETH ALL WORK IN CONCERT TO SATISFY AND EXCITE ME. YOUR LIPS EXPLORE EVERY PART OF MY BODY...TRACING EVERY INCH, KNOWING THAT EVERY PART OF ME BELONGS TO YOU. YOUR KISSES ARE MAGIC, YOUR BITES SEND ME INTO ECSTASY. YOUR MOUTH IS ALSO A SOURCE OF ENCOURAGEMENT FOR ME...ALWAYS REASSURING ME OF WHAT WE HAVE AND ALL THAT I MEAN TO YOU.

HAS ANYONE EVER EXPERIENCED WHAT WE HAVE? THIS IS PHENOMENAL LOVE, UNTOUCHABLE, UNBREAKABLE AND ALL OURS. YOU TELL ME YOU LOVE ME AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY, BUT YOUR BODY TELLS ME OF THE LOVE UNSPOKEN.

TROUBLED BLACK MAN...

BLACK MAN,BLACK MAN! WHY ACT OTHER THAN WHO YOU ARE?...YOU'RE AN AFRICAN CHILD, THE EASTERN MORNING STAR. WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM MY BROTHER...HAVE WE NO LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER? LOST DURING THE STRUGGLE WITH NO POWER TO DEFINE...FREEDOM MEANT LIBERATION, BUT ONLY IN MIND. YES, I TOO FEEL YOUR PAIN...IT'S THE REMEMBRANCE OF THE MIDDLE PASSAGE WHILE BOUND IN CHAINS. IT WAS WATCHING OUR WOMEN FORCED AND SUJECTED TO MASSAHS WILL...THAT WE VOLUNTARILY JUMPED SHIP AND PRAYED TO BE KILLED. I REMEMBER WELL TOO...HOW SHARKS FOLLOWED THE BLOOD SPILLED BY ME AND YOU. IT'S A STRANGE LIFE THAT WE HAVE BEEN TAUGHT...THE LIFE OF A SLAVE, SOLD AND BOUGHT. FORBIDDEN TO READ AND WRITE...BUT LAW UPHELD RAPE AND MURDER AS RIGHT. DON'T EVEN LOOK AT A WHITE WOMEN HE SAID...OR YOU'LL BECOME AN EXAMPLE OF THE LIVING DEAD. SO YES, I UNDERSTAND THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS WE'VE FACED...WE PAID WITH SWEAT, TEARS AND BLOOD FOR FREEDOMS GRACE.

SOUL TRANSFORMATION...

"WHAT HAS A MAN GAINETH IF HE GAINETH THE WHOLE WORLD AND LOSES HIS SOUL?" ABDUCTED FROM OUR ANCESTRAL HOME AND SHIPPED TO THIS STRANGE NEW LAND...FORCED TO FORGET OUR KINGS AND QUEENS BY THIS DECEITFUL WHITE MAN. WENT TO HIS SCHOOLS, LEARNED FROM HIS TEACHERS... EVEN CONJURED UP A MYTHICAL GOD FROM HIS NARROW-MINDED PREACHERS. ATE HIS FOOD, LIVED IN HIS HOUSE...CAPTIVATED BY THE BEAUTY OF HIS WHITE SPOUSE. IT ALL TOOK ITS TOLL...BECAUSE FOR A HOUSE, CAR AND MONEY, WE TRADED IN OUR SOULS. NOW AFRICAN HISTORY HAS NO PLACE IN OUR HEARTS AND MINDS...CAMOUFLAGED AND DISTORTED, WE LIVE THE GREATEST WHITE LIE. NO LONGER INTRESTED IN THE FREEDOM FIGHT...WE'VE ASSUMED ANOTHER IDENTITY THAT WHITE IS RIGHT. YES, IT WAS ONE HELL OF A JOB DONE...BUT AFRICA SUPPORTS US, HER ONLY DAUGHTERS AND SONS. WE FIGHT FOR HIS BUSINESSES, HIS PEOPLE AND INSTITUTIONS...AND FOR AN ENSLAVED BLACK MIND, LOVE THY ENEMY WAS THE ONLY SOLUTION. NOW WE MUST FIGHT TO REVERSE THIS SOUL TRANSFORMATION...A CHILD OF HATE, BORN FROM RACIAL DISCRIMINATION.